MENLO PARK, CA — Feeling the need to stay organized amidst such a tragic event, local resident and product manager Bryan Johnson felt it was necessary to send family members a Google Calendar invite for grandma Betty’s funeral, sources confirmed Wednesday.
“Like everyone else, I am still mourning Nana’s death,” said the 38-year-old, visibly upset but also distractedly blocking out tomorrow’s schedule.
“I get that it’s a funeral, but I can’t overstate how useful Google calendar is for resourcing. I use it for everything.”
According to sources close to the Johnsons, family members were appalled when they received a Google Calendar invite in their inbox for the funeral, containing snippets such as “Please RSVP by end of week” and “Will touch base soon with possible choices for embalmment.”
“Frankly, I don’t even know what to say because this is totally unnecessary, not to mention utterly disrespectful,” said Uncle Patrick. “I mean, really, a Google Calendar invite for a funeral? A simple phone call or a thoughtful note would have been one hundred times more appropriate. Nana would have been ashamed.”
Even though the funeral had a 100% turnout, Bryan was puzzled by the discrepancy between the lack of RSVP responses to his calendar invite and the sheer amount of people who showed up but wouldn’t make eye contact with him.
“I guess sometimes these things can go straight to spam,” said Bryan, clearly regretting his last minute decision of returning those much-needed crab cakes to Costco. “But this was important, and I needed to get an accurate headcount. I also had to block out my two o’clock.”
While the procession and reception did go smoothly, Bryan told reporters at press time that he had to leave the reception early for a previously booked Google Calendar event titled “Mourning.”