Have you invested in Bitcoin? Of course not, you don’t even know what Bitcoin is. But that’s not something you want people to know. You want to be seen as a Bitcoin expert, but without using up the blockchain in your mind to actually understand what blockchain is. To that end, this go-to guide is all you need. Here are 7 tips for how to sound like a Bitcoin expert.
Drop hot “crypto advice” in casual conversation
Brush up on names of other cryptocurrencies so everyone knows you’re legit. Don’t just talk about Bitcoin, bring up some other random coins that no one knows about, so everyone knows how deep you are in the game.
Starter pack: Ethereum, NEO, Ven and Doggecoin
Create a Twitter account dedicated to retweeting the latest crypto information you don’t understand
Never do your own research. All you need is the retweet button. Make a creative Twitter handle like: Crypto_Yoda, Crypto_Cobain, or Bitcoin_Bro, where you can easily retweet pictures of graphs and memes that reflect the market crashing. This way, everyone knows you know what’s up.
Establish yourself as a go-to for investment advice
Once your online presence is stable you are now ready to go out into the real world and brag your heart out. This is what will really set you aside from the normies. Use those random coins you discovered earlier and begin suggesting them to your friends as secure investments. Because you haven’t used the word Bitcoin, they actually believe you know something they don’t and will buy up straight away. When those coins crash and your friends get angry all you, all you have to say is “I encourage you to do your own research next time.” Booyah.
Review and repeat famous financial quotes
Memorize a few good quotes from great investors like Warren Buffett. Don’t read any of his books, simply Google “Top 10 Warren Buffett Quotes”. A good one to get you started is “Be Fearful When Others Are Greedy and Greedy When Others Are Fearful.” This works every time when someone says the market is not looking good. Dropping this fire knowledge is basically the equivalent of having an economics degree.
Recite Bitcoin facts no one wants
At parties, insert yourself into conversations that have absolutely, completely nothing to do with Bitcoin. Immediately change the conversation to Bitcoin. If no one responds, dazzle them with your future thinking brain by saying things like “I got into Bitcoin when it was only $20”. This will reassure your social status and everyone will come asking for investment advice.
Assert dominance in the workplace with FOMO
When going to get coffee with your colleges in the morning ask Dave from accounts if he has any Bitcoin. Because Dave is in finance it’s safe to assume he at least has 1 bitcoin. When he says no, simply reply “Really? Weird you work in finance then.” Repeat this process until he has one, and has you to thank (or blame) for it.
Start a group chat to boost your already inflated ego
Now you that you have built up a following as a coin overlord, it’s time to start a group chat to keep everyone up to date. Name the group chat!#$CrYpTo_LoRdZ$#! Make sure you add everyone who has come into contact with you even in the slightest, and give them cool nicknames that represent wealth. Coin_Daddy, Future_Money and Crypto_Billionaire are all totally cool and relatable. Now that you’re also a group chat overlord, you can brag more about your own coins, copy and paste your tweets into the group, give everyone the financial advice they never asked for. Perhaps set a daily reminder that crypto is the future. Be sure to post pictures of expensive cars you will all buy when you get rich from crypto to ensure people don’t leave the group.
Control C + Control V to create your own ICO
When you start to realize your wealth hasn’t doubled overnight, it’s time to double down and start you own ICO. Start by creating your own website that uses phrases like, “the new new bitcoin” or, “the fastest decentralized network of networks”. Create a list of partners no one has never heard of. Make sure you copy and paste logos from big tech blogs to solidify your place in the crypto ecosphere. Last but not least make sure you have your own white paper. This is what set aparts real ICO’s from fake ones. I know what you’re thinking. You don’t have time? This may take years of research and work? Well don’t stress because you just need to copy and paste someone else’s and change a few keywords, add a few bitcoins and decentralized networks and before you know it you have a white paper. Boom.