Passive aggressive Secret Santa gifts combine everything we love about the holiday season: gifts, giving and deeply buried resentments.
So here are our 12 favorite Secret Santa gift ideas for that one person who’s slowly driving you insane.
1. Blinders: For the person who keeps spying on your laptop screen
No matter what you do, this person always seems to be performing some reconnaissance mission on your laptop screen. To keep their eyes in line, try getting them Side Blinders, which will help them focus their vision and stop eyeing your laptop in their periphery.
2. Playing cards: For the person who always wants to see your deck
You know the guy. He doesn’t want to just talk to you – he wants to set up a meeting and see some PowerPoint slides. Well, get him a set of Tragic Royalty playing cards. This deck means he’ll never be without one, and the not-so-subtle dig at his diva tactics will make you ok with life for a little while.
3. Zen Rock Garden: For the constant finger tapper, foot shaker, sigher or throat clearer
It’s hard to ignore the guy who’s constantly shifting, sighing or otherwise making small annoying movements that distract you and fill you with undeniable rage and anxiety.
To subtly combat this, get him a desktop Zen Rock Garden. Perhaps this will calm his nerves and yours.
4. Solo percussion instrument: For the person who’s always chiming in
So get her this solo percussion instrument, so she can do the chiming alone, and maybe get it out of her system before she gets to the office.
5. Saran wrap: For the person who’s always complaining about lack of transparency
Get him some Saran wrap. That’s a significant amount of transparency.
6. Framed picture of their desk: For the person who’s always working from home
Why is this person never in the office? Wasn’t he just sick last week? Isn’t he out of vacation days? Doesn’t he have meetings to go to? Does he even work here anymore? Who knows the answer to any of these questions (you do).
The best thing to get for him is a framed picture of their desk.
7. For the over-user of jargon
Well let them know you’re on to them with the 10 Tricks to Appear Smart During Meetings mug – now all their tricks will be exposed for the world to see.
8. A game of Charades: For the person who “never” gets your emails
Does this person really believe that you believe that he never gets your emails? How long will these charades continue? The only way to find out is to deal with the problem (sort of) head on and get him Charades for Kids. Let him know this isn’t child’s play.
9. Exploding snake can: For the person with the loud irritating mobile phone ringtone
He thinks it’s funny. No one else agrees. For all the times the sound of his mobile phone jolted you out of any peace you could possibly have been experiencing at work, get him this exploding snake can. Now he’ll know how you feel, without ever really knowing how you feel.
10. Fresh linen candle: For the person with the ridiculously messy desk
Bottles, paper, tchotchkes, devices, pens, electrical tape, barb wire, you name it, this person has it all over his desk. It’s disgusting, infuriating, and it must be stopped. Or at least alluded to.
Try getting him a fresh linen candle, so that now you can walk by, close your eyes, and pretend your walking by a freshly cleaned laundry instead of an overwhelming mess.
11. ‘Not My Job’ stamp: For the person who never takes responsibility
It’s never his job, even when it is. Well you can at least make it a little easier for him to make the claim, with this handy Not My Job rubber stamp.
12. Basketball trash can game: For the person who’s always throwing things in your garbage can
Try getting her this basketball trash can game, to incentivize her to use her own trash can. It just might work. Or it might end up in your trash can.
Let’s hope this year’s Secret Santa is a wonderfully therapeutic experience for one and all.