Woman Poops in Single Stall Office Bathroom, Resigns in Embarrassment

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – A VP at an area tech giant abruptly resigned today after fifteen years citing “emotional distress” after pooping in the single stall office bathroom.

Details of the resignation are coming to light after Vanessa Bick’s division had recently moved to a temporary office space to wait out renovations.

A witness said: “I saw her go into the new office’s [single stall] bathroom after our all hands meeting. She was in there maybe 5-10 minutes before she came back out. She seemed OK, but got visibly nervous when she noticed the short line of people that had formed outside.” The same witness also noted “a strong Febreze smell” in the general vicinity.

Soon after, the VP quietly departed using the backdoor of the building, never to return again.

Bick’s exit is thought to be a result of stressors associated with the myth that women don’t actually poop. The assumption still runs rampant in offices and early on in relationships despite efforts from activists like Taro Gomi. (Read her take on the matter in the award-winning “Everyone Poops”).

Two Bay Area entrepreneurs have already seized the opportunity to disrupt the stigma. Bick’s departure inspired 22-year old tech moguls — Tom Hayes and Tom Milles — to launch their latest venture as of 2pm this afternoon.

Their SaaS platform ‘GoNoGo’ offers women insight into the optimal times to evacuate. Hayes said: “GoNoGo uses an algorithm based on historical stall activity. It uses this data to assign a rating of when a bathroom is least likely to form a line. Our hope is that women can now confidently avoid the issue of whether or not they poop.” GoNoGo will be testing the waters with a BETA program starting today, and aims to move upmarket to serve women of Enterprise teams.

About the author

Claire Murdogh

Claire is a writer living in San Francisco. She's currently exploring how to write better author bios.

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