Thought Leader Convinced World Is Trending Toward His Own Patriarchal Biases

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Still embracing outdated views that are no longer true nor ethical, local resident and Internet thought leader Ken Blake is convinced the world is trending in the direction of his patriarchal biases, sources confirmed Friday.

“As a thought leader, I have many thoughts on this subject,” said Mr. Blake, adding that his credentials extend to being an active user on Twitter and a certification in SEO from Coursera. “I’m confident that the American family pattern where the man is the sole breadwinner will never go away. In fact, I think it’ll be the only paradigm going forward. Trust me, I’m a thought leader.”

Reports have surfaced that the the 37-year old Medium.com blogger recently read Peter Thiel’s Zero to One and is now on a “contrarian binge,” tweeting short bits with hashtags such as “#StuffYouShouldKnow” and “#ContrarianThursdays.”

“I understand that some of my views may be unpopular,” added Mr. Blake, “but Mr. Thiel encouraged readers to find a secret they believe but nobody else does. Patriarchal biases are mine.”

It’s unclear what Mr. Blake’s agenda is, but eye-witnesses have observed him at marketing conferences explain to women what jazz is, citing how he thought it was “the duty of the man to impart wisdom.”

“I’m just trying to play my role,” said Mr. Blake, obviously unpersuaded by ample evidence of exemplary female leaders in the world, often much better than their male counterparts. “All I’m saying is that society will pretty much stay the same. As a thought leader, I’m qualified to speak on this topic. Not to mention the fact that I’m a man. Let’s not forget that.”

When asked at press time whether his thoughts on the topic will change to reflect that of reality, Mr. Blake was committed to his patriarchal biases, citing how they’re “all that he has left” after his wife, CEO of a Fortune 500 company, took everything when she divorced him.

About the author

Irving Ruan

Irving Ruan is a humor writer living in the San Francisco Bay Area. His work has been published in McSweeney's and he regularly contributes to Slackjaw on Medium. He likes macaroons.

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