Coworker Doesn’t Chip in $2 for Birthday Gift; Still Demands to Sign Card

CHARLOTTE, NC – What started Friday as a commonplace office birthday celebration at a boutique insurance firm devolved into chaos and pandemonium when employees nearly came to blows over a simple birthday card. Sources say the altercation stemmed from a coworker’s desire to sign a birthday card without chipping in the requisite $2 for the $20 iHOP gift card. Misdemeanor assault and theft charges may still be filed.

When asked for comment, one employee who asked to remain anonymous said “it all started so innocently.”  Bill, the office’s birthday-planner in residence, was circulating a card for Jodie, the team admin, and collecting $2 from everyone for the aforementioned iHOP gift card.  When approached by Bill, Karen signed the card, but simply replied with an “I’m good” when asked to chip in $2.  This was met with shock and indignation from Bill who believed it was everyone’s moral obligation to chip in for birthday gift cards if they wanted to sign Jodie’s birthday card.  Obviously Karen disagreed.

Still in shock, Bill proceeded to spend the lunch hour Thursday badmouthing Karen to everyone in the office, often referring to her as the “cheap one” and going so far as to not let her know the conference room location had switched for their 4:00pm status meeting, ensuring Karen was not only late but had to sit in one of the awful “side” chairs in the room.

The same anonymous source told us that Karen had felt entitled to signing Jodie’s card because on previous bagel Fridays, not only was she the bagel buyer, but also purveyor of butter and cream cheese.  When asked for her take on the situation, Karen sarcastically replied “Bill can house two everything bagels loaded with cream cheese on my dime, but when I try and sign his card without chipping in a measly $2, everyone gets all riled up.” This sentiment may explain Karen’s rebuttal against Bill – replacing his office cubicle chair with the “broken one” from the empty cube down the hall, sparking outrage from Bill Friday morning.

While these actions may seem commonplace for any office team, they laid the groundwork for Friday’s potential criminal incident.  When Jodie received the birthday and gift card, Karen was the first to chime in – “Hope you like the card; it’s from all of us!” Enraged by Karen taking credit for the birthday celebration, Bill smashed the entire Friendly’s cookies and cream ice cream cake in Karen’s face, screaming at the top of his lungs “Enjoy the cake, it’s as frozen as your heart!”  The situation escalated further when, Karen, having cleaned up her face, stole Bill’s keyboard, mouse and his precious “Hang In There” motivational poster. With the situation so dramatically escalated, HR had no choice but to call the police.

Details on the incident are still emerging, but no update has been obtained on the location of Bill’s chair, nor if Karen will be hosting future bagel Fridays.  Jodie did have a lovely birthday though.

About the author

Terence Morley

Budding workplace humorist, writer, reader, golfer, craft beer fan, native New Yorker and now suburban Jersey dad.

Observer of all humor - intended and not - in the corporate world.

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